The milestones you won’t find in the books.

If you’re anything like I was when Harley was a baby you’ll be constantly looking up what milestones are next and basically what to expect. I also swore by the Wonder Weeks app, which I’ll definitely use again. But what the books and the websites don’t tell you is that there are alternative toddler milestones that don’t warrant beautiful milestone cards or photos…

The ‘First Trip to A&E’

Harley’s first trip was in August 2016 when he was 17 months old. It happened during my cousin’s wedding, and I don’t mean during the day of her wedding, I mean right slap bang in the middle of the ceremony. After becoming quite restless Harley went out to the back of the church with his dad just after my beautiful cousin had walked down the aisle. Five minutes later there’s a scream and ALOT of crying. Harley’s fallen into a radiator whilst playing football and caught his head and developed a rather lovely egg that protruded out of his forehead. It was massive, like dinosaur egg proportions. Thankfully no blood and we were only a few minutes away from the nearest hospital so me, Tom and Harley jumped straight in the car and were seen in a matter of minutes. Luckily all was fine and we were advised to just keep an eye on him and continue with the day. We managed to get back to the church for photographs and Harley enjoyed the rest of the day and loved the attention he got from everybody. The photographs fully documented the injury with a giant egg-shaped lump taking centre stage.

The ‘First Cold’

This is horrible. The first cold is scary and you’re so unprepared as a first-time parent. Harley was six months old when he got his first proper fully-fledged cold and I remember being a huge ball of worry, even bigger than normal. I was constantly checking his soft spot, trying to make him drink water and setting alarms on my phone to ensure I didn’t exceed the Calpol dosage. I even blogged about – you can read my tips here.

The ‘First Public Tantrum’

Ok so this one definitely doesn’t make the books. The ‘First Public Tantrum’ is a right of passage that every parent has to pass. It’s not fun, especially not at the time, but it’ll provide a great anecdote eventually, and for me even got me a winning spot in a writing competition thanks to the lovely Unmumsy Mum. Read the blog in all its glory here. Ours took place in John Lewis and it was pretty epic. All because of a bloody lift.


Just casually lying on the floor. Mid dance class. Just cos.

The ‘First Projectile Vomit’

Baby sick goes fast and baby sick goes hard. And it stinks. Harley’s first big vom was in the middle of a coffee shop during Saturday lunchtime-peak. I was covered. Harley was covered. Jeez even my mum and nan were covered. Add to the scenario an explosive nappy seconds after and Saturday was pretty much done. We left, pretty much everybody left. And poor Harls had to travel home basically naked.

The ‘First Poo’

Ok so maybe you are warned on this slightly but not to the extent you should be. The first poo is messy. In fact they need to create a new word especially for the Meconium nappy. We weren’t prepared. Literally fresh tar all over the clean white hospital sheets. Nice.

Sorry for all the body functions/leakages referred to in this post but for some odd reason the baby books don’t seem to talk about them, can’t imagine why. Anyway, Motherhood is flipping ace, just wanted to give you a heads-up on some of the other things to expect. Wear that poo/snot/sick stain on your top with pride.

The Aspiring Yummy Mummy. x




















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